Oh, the Joy of it All

So I know it's been a while but it's been a busy time for me. I just wanted to do up a quick little post today just to let you all know I am still here. I am in a bit better shape. My pain is a little better. I'm on some crazy strong pain meds but they're doing their job for the most part.

I saw the doctor today and he is "baffled" (his words not mine) My blood work is normal (normal for me). My urine is "clean". So he has no idea what's going on. At this point I really have no idea what to think or do. I am tired of it all. Right from the start I did not for a second think it was my RA. It has just felt different to me this time. As the pain goes down thanks to the pain meds I am able to feel other things. I feel that my leg is numb and full of pins and needles, as is my foot. I also noticed that when I sit for any amount of time when I get up the leg gets some serious pins and needle action going on. From there I noticed that with prolonged walking pins and needles will return and my toes are always partially asleep. Sigh

I have no fucking clue what to think. All signs are pointing to nerve problems. the hamstring, glute and calf are doing some weird things. They seem too engage on their own. and let me tell you that is very odd, and unsettling. I have another appointment on Monday with the rheumatologist and I am hoping that he has an idea. If he doesn't then it is off to a pain specialist (thank you S for the idea). The worry is that my nerves are dying in the leg. nerve death can for sure cause the pain I am in. It can also cause all the other symptoms I am experiencing and it is very plausible because of my Ra. But at the end of the day I don't care what the problem is. Just diagnose it and make it better. I have no expectation of a cure ( there is not cure for RA) I am used to living with a condition that can not be cured. I just want to know what is going on and I want it to stop. I want to feel like I did 6 weeks ago. I think that is a reasonable request.

Oh well.

i was watching Grey's Anatomy tonight with Meaghan and at the end of the episode the 3 sexy doctors, Hunt, Sloan and Sheppard were all hitting golf balls off the roof of the hospital and Meaghan looked at me and said " Mommy i like that guy." "Which guy? " I asked " the one with the beard thingy... I like him a LOT" " SO do a lot of girls i told her. She was so enthusiastic about it I couldn't help but laugh and laugh hard. She is such a girl and the liking of Marc Sloan just showed how girlie she is and is going to be.

Meaghan had a dentist appointment today. NO CAVITIES. Dave and I are very proud of her. Meaghan does all her own brushing and flossing now. And it looks like she is doing a very good job of it. Way to go kiddo.

I am doing a project called 365. It is a photography project. Now I know I am no photographer but I am enjoying the taking of pictures everyday. Sarah got me involved in it. If you guys want to see some crazy good picture you should check out her project she is very good. She has an eye for it. I like my pictures but I have no delusions that I will ever be able to make a career out of it. Sarah on the other hand could totally make a go of it. I would pay her to take out family portraits that for sure. Here is the link to my project. Please check it out. (Sarah's is http://365project.org/joymol/365 ) and well worth the checking it out
http://365project.org/joymol/365

I think that is it for tonight. I have a little work to do on my latest project. I am making hand made beads for jewelry. And not to toot my own horn I think they are getting very good. I will post some pics of what I have made so far with my next post. I am enjoying doing it and it keeps me busy in the evenings.

Night night to everyone

Later Gaters

As I am sure u all know, I have been going through hell the last few weeks. I am still struggling but today my doctor adjusted my meds again and I must say I have some relief. So here is my post for the day.


An Ode to Oxy

the title itself makes me feel like an addict
or maybe more that I'm just a schmadict.
A schmadict you say? OH what could that be?
well my good friends it is a it's a kind of a tree.

The tree I speak of is really quite fine
it lays on the couch all covered in vines.
the vines are made of something very odd
and if you look at them closely u can see them throb

So what do you ask is it that makes them throb?
well I can tell u for sure that it's not the Schmlob.
I know yes I know you not of the Schmlob
But he is a very nice creature kind of like your cat Bob.

The Schmlob is a mix of a few critters u may know
A Horse, and a dog with some sloth in his toe.
The best part of the Schmlob is not in his toe
it's in his ability to make your pain go.

Oh yes my friends as you may have guessed
the Schmlob is a friend with whom not to be messed
he is wonderful and kind in his little white vest
and his ability to make your pain fly out west

Why out west do ask on this day?
it's because that's the direction he went on his way
and with him he took my pain all away
and left me to smile and yell hooray



I know this is silly but my last few posts have been heavy so I thought an ode to Oxy with some homage to doctor Seuss was the way to go.

Later Gaters

Panic is a funny thing. I never knew what panic was till this morning. I woke up in pain like I have never felt before. I've had a baby, and 2 knee replacements but the pain this morning was like nothing I have ever felt before. For an hour and 30 min I laid on the couch desperately trying to get up so that I could get the phone to call the doctor and then my father and husband to get someone to take me to the hospital. What I didn't realize was that the pain was so bad and I was so exhausted that I was panicking. Looking back that was true. I was panicking. I have never felt that before. I was sobbing uncontrollably begging God to make the pain stop. I was bargaining with God. Asking Him what he needed from me to make it go away? With no answer coming (cause I could hear nothing but the pain) I just sobbed harder ,screamed into my hands, forced myself to accept the searing pain that was coming and get off the couch and get the phone.

I called my dad and in between tears I asked him to come to my house cause I didn't know what to do and I wanted to go to the hospital. Looking back I think now the hospital was unnecessary (maybe). Once my meds were doing their jobs (50 mg of Prednisone and a couple of morphine) I had some relief and I felt more exhausted then anything. From there I went to guilt. I felt so bad freaking out like I did. I called my dad and step mom who live in Stienbach to come into the city to get me and take me to the hospital. I'm thinking I was not thinking very clearly. After that phone call I called Dave and told him Jim was coming to take me to the hospital and was then informed by Dave that he was coming home right now. I know that I should not feel guilty like I do, but the reality of it? Guilt is how I cope. Through making myself believe that my pain is not as bad as it actually is, I am able to cope. I understand it even less then you.

I am better right now. I have spent a lot of time sleeping and laying on the couch, and I have found some semblance of relief. The key? Drugs and rest. Staying off the leg is working well (heat helps) The health links nurse told me that if my pain goes back to a 10 I need to go to the hospital right away. She said they would be able to give me a steroid drip and some heavier pain meds. So Dave and I are doing everything we can to make sure we do not have to take a trip to the emergency room. So far I have only got back up to about a 7 or so. For the most part I can deal with that. a good night sleep should work wonders except I need to wake up every couple of hours so that I don't let my pain meds wear off. Alarm clock and me are going to be very friendly tonight.

Oh well, I learned today that I have an amazing husband, daughter Dad and Step mom. Not once did they make me feel bad for wreaking their Saturday. And honestly that was the best thing they could have done for me. I can heap enough guilt on myself that on a day like today the last thing I need is knowing that I have irritated someone else. I also learned that I do have a limit. I found it today. Or I guess it found me.

Later Gaters

I am sad, sad and angry tonight.
I am exhausted.
I am depressed
and I am more then a little heartbroken.

I thought the meds were working. I honestly thought for the first time in 13 years the meds were working. I thought, no, I let myself believe that I had found relief. I was happy. I could handle the little flare ups. I had made my peace with the little pains. They are part of the disease. But I thought I honestly thought that I WAS IN REMISSION. How could I be so fucking stupid? I have been in remission twice in my life, once spontaneously when I was 12-18 then when I was pregnant with Meaghan (which I was told would happen before I got pregnant) After remission both times my Ra got severe again and spread. But this time I thought I was going into remission because of treatment, and treatment induced remission has the ability to last for a lifetime. A LIFETIME. That's the dream with a chronic illness. I was doing so good the last year and a half. But all that's changed now.


I went back to the doctor today, he looked at me for the first time ever with such sadness. I sat there crying asking him what do I do now? If the strongest meds in the RA arsenal don't work what am I supposed to do? How do I do this for another 30 years? He didn't know what to say. I don't blame him for not knowing what to say to me. The Brooke that was in his office today was not the usual one he sees. Normally I just take what he tells me and say thanks and go fill the new scrip or adjust what I am already doing. But this time I think he saw me give up.

I could handle it being bursitis, a torn hamstring, or just an injury to some random muscle. But not my RA spreading yet again. C'MON THAT IS BULLSHIT. I am taking the strongest meds they have. I am risking getting lymphoma for Christ sake just to treat my RA. But the kicker. The joint that is causing all the pain and tears is a little joint called the Sacroiliac Joint. It is located at the back of the pelvis. It is a shitty little joint. The shitty part is that I can't have the hip replaced to end the pain. The joint can't be replaced. So I just have to live with it. I am pretty tired of just living with it. Sure, I've learnt to live with it. I live with what feels like half a life. There is the life I want to live and the life I actually live. I had fooled myself the last little while into thinking that I was going to be able to live my whole life. Not just the half of it that the pain didn't effect.

I am going to see my reumatologist next week. See if he has something new up his sleeve. I keep telling myself it could be worse, But in the end if my RA doesn't kill me, my RA treatments will. My doc told me today that with this new progression I am at a higher risk for the RA to hit my heart. He figures it is now damaging my soft tissue, my tendons to be specific. So yes I am mad, I am angry and I am sad. I just don't know where to go from here.


I was happy
I had no significant pain
I was able to do what I wanted to do
Pain was not factoring into my day to day life, cause it was not there
Now?
Now I don't know.


Later Gaters

I have been a little laid up lately so I've not posted in a couple days. My doc changed my pain med last week and I have to say I am not getting any better relief. I am a little frustrated and to be perfectly honest I am a little depressed. I am used to pain but the pain I'm having right now is just too much. I need some relief. Every time I engage the hamstring it spasms. Or something. All I know is that the pain is almost too much to bear. I'm mad at myself for complaining because I am all to aware that there are people out there that are in way worse shape then I am but I need to vent. I need to get this off my chest, cause I think I'm gonna have a little breakdown over it if I don't. So please my loyal readers bear with me. The majority of my joints are doing well. My knees are pain free. The giving out that was plaguing me after my second knee replacement has stopped, and I owe that 100 percent to to my physio therapist. She has done some amazing work with me and I owe her big time (even if she does make me do football drills).

My doc changed my meds but I went back to my old anti-inflammatory after 3 days cause the new ones he put me on were crap. They were giving me no relief. My old ones are doing much better. I am going this afternoon to the doctors again. I was supposed to go next week but I called today because I am in rough shape again. I'm getting better all over relief for the new pain patch but it the break through pain that is causing me the most discomfort. I hate feeling like this. I was doing so good for so long. I would have a normal flare up of pain every once and a while (which is what most RA suffers will have to deal with for the rest of their lives) and that I can deal with. I have made my peace with my RA. I accept that I have RA that is out of control and I will always have to deal with it. SO BE IT. IT MAKES ME WHO I AM. But this new pain????? No FUCKING way. I am not taking it any longer. I demand relief. ~sigh~

But again I feel like a big baby because there are people way worse off then me. I feel like I need to suck it up but honestly I don't think I can.

Well that's it for now, I will post after I get home from the doctors and let you know what he said.

Later Gaters

Hello my readers out there in Blog world. Just thought I would do a little entry about my weekend/Monday. This weekend was good, we didn't do too much. Meaghan had dance on Saturday and they are doing a competition at the studio for the next 6 weeks. In the next 6 weeks the girls are required to wear proper ballet attire. Hair in buns (with hairnet), black or jazz blue body suit and shoes. No jewelry, no sweaters, legwarmers or any other things we parents have bought our girls to make them even cuter while they dance. So I now have to try to get Meaghan's hair into a perfect bun twice a week. For most this would be easy but I have always had short hair so I am not very good with the long hair styles. Oh well I do my best and as long as it is up (no matter how badly) she gets the credit.







Yesterday we watched the Super Bowl. We had Super Bowl foods and drinks. We made our own pretzels. We picked our team before the beginning of the game. To be truthful Dave told us who we were cheering for. So we watched the game together the 3 of us. Meaghan made a noise maker and shook it every time daddy told her to, I clapped when our team did well and yelled at the ref when bad calls were made. We had a jolly good time as a family. It was a lot of fun. Dave won $20 bucks from a bet at work. Green Bay won. To be honest I think they won only because we were cheering for them. The win had NOTHING to do with the fact that Aron Rodgers played a great F'N game or anything. I mean come on, it's not like he was injured or anything... oh wait he was. Well it's not like he lost 2 of his best receivers during the game. Oh wait he did. But still it was the Moloney family cheering that made them win. Right?

Today was a bit of a comedy of errors. I woke this morning to Meaghan coming into my room asking if it was time for school. I looked at the clock and said ... "Yes Meaghan it is time for school, however school started 90 minutes ago so I am thinking that you should just crawl into bed with me and watch some cartoons, cause we ain't going to school today." By the time I got her dressed and fed and to school she would only be there for another hour or so. So I the great mother I am decided that she needed a jammy day with mommy. So that is what we did. It was lots of fun. She played on the computer and made valentine gifts for me and Dave.


Dave was late getting home from work tonight so I had to take Meaghan to dance in the "bad"van. I got her there cold but on time. I dropped her off and ran back home to switch van's and then I went Safeway to get diner and a couple other odds and ends e needed. But the gong show of the day was the twit behind the deli counter. I ordered 2 panini's for takeout, and thee girl had to make them 3 count it 3 times. How is that possible? How can I order something and then 25 seconds later you can't make the sandwich I just ordered? I can understand if it's busy, but I was the only bloody person in the store. sigh









Oh well, all and all it was a good day. I am thinking only the dog would think it was not the best day. Meaghan decided the dog needed to dress up like a ballerina.









well that's it for today

Later Gaters

3 days in a row, that is a new record for me. he he he

So I posted the other day that I had Bursitis. Well apparently I lied to you all. It is not Bursitis. It is actually PIRIFORMIS SYNDROME. It's like Bursitis but it is also like Sciatica. It is a lot like Sciatica because the muscle that is causing all the problems is either right next to it intertwined with the Sciatica nerve. Once the muscle is injured and inflames and gets all tight it presses on or constricts on the Sciatica. And viola the mind numbing pain is brought on.

In all honesty when I left the doctors office today I had the biggest smile on my face. I had no idea how worried I was about the diagnosis and treatment. after he told me it was not Bursitis or my Ra progressing I felt so relieved. The whole ride home I was giddy and smiley. Meaghan was sitting in her seat staring at me like I was nuts. Every time a song came on the radio that I even only knew one line to I felt like I had to belt that line out at the top of my lungs. I'm pretty sure when Rhianna wrote "what's my name" she did not think that some 30+ sahm would turn it into a one line didddy. OH NA NA WHAT'S MY NAME, OH NA NA WHAT'S MY , WHAT'S MY NAMES WHAT'S MY NAME. ~giggle~

I have another 4 - 6 weeks of pain but at least I know it will heal. The doctor changed my pain meds ( I'm now on a triplicate pain patch) and he put me back on Celebrex (apparently the Diclofenac was not cutting it) So we will see how it goes from here. Oh yes I have to swim everyday. The doc said that the more I swim and do my physio the faster it will heal.

I have a friend I love very much. She is a a huge part of my life and my daughters life, and I would have it no other way. She did something today that I am very proud of her for. She posted something on her blog about what she is going through in her personal life. I know this is something most blogger's do everyday, but this post was completely honest and real. She did not hide behind humour, she did not mask pain with metaphors. She decided that she would write about who she is truly and admit to some very hard things that shaped her into the amazing woman she is today. She wrote about her biggest fear. The one thing in all the world that makes her feel like she would be better off dead. I am so proud of her. I hope that I will be half as brave as she was today, when I post here.

I think that's it for today. I hope to see you here again tomorrow.

Later Gaters

Well Hello people

I don't know what to write about today. So I have decided to just write whatever comes to mind. It may end up being a complete conversation or it may just end up being random craziness. we will have to see how it goes.

So what to say what to say? Well My pain is a lot less today. That may only be because I have been taken 5 time the amount of anti-inflammatory I usually do. Hey judge all you want I had to do something. I was seriously at my breaking point. Like I was gonna cut my own fucking leg off to stop the pain. But that will not be necessary now. the pain is way down. I see the doctor tomorrow, and I have the utmost faith that her will be able to adjust my meds so that the pain will go away completely.

Holly crap I have nothing to say today. I have been sitting at my computer for a while trying to write something and nothing is coming out. What to do what to do? Maybe just give up? leave my post as is? I think so. i will write more tomorrow after I get back form the doc's. Yes I think that is what i Will do. Sounds good to me. This is just a pointless post anyway. Nothing earth shattering is about to come out of my brain, I am not about to make a confession of momentous proportion. so I think I will end it here and move on.

So good night to all. Have a great sleep and an even better morning.

Later Gaters

B

Hello all,

I know I know it's been a while but in my defense I have not had a working computer. But now that my computer is back and working I will be posting a LOT more.

My first post of the new year is not going to be a happy one. I'm thinking it's going to be a little bit of a rant fest. I apologize now in advance if I bring y'all down with me.

So I have had Rheumatoid Arthritis since I was 2 yeas old, so for anybody keeping score that is 30 YEARS. For most people when I say I have arthritis they give me a look that says"SO? why should I care, that's no big deal " but it is a big deal. RA is not your grandmothers arthritis. My RA is an autoimmune disorder. My RA is closer to Lupus than Osteoarthritis (which is what most people have when they say they have arthritis.) Ra takes a good 30 years off your life span. RA can hurt your eyes, heart, and ALL your joints..

The other "downside" to RA is that your body is prone to more diseases and conditions. Now I have made it 30 years without any other conditions popping up.... until now.


Let me paint y'all a picture. Some time last week I woke up in pain. Now this is not an uncommon thing in my world. I wake up with pain most days. What was different this time was the intensity and where it was located. Over night my arthritis had spread to a new joint. Until now my hips (knock on wood) have been great. I have never had a twinge of pain in them (much to the amazement of my rhuematologist). But on this morning I was wondering just how I was going to make it down to the bathroom and get Meaghan off to school. So I sucked it up got Meaghan up for school and made it down the stairs to the washroom. I was able to do all this because downstairs right by my favorite spot on the couch is a wonderful wicker box. What is so wonderful about this box you ask? The box itself is not so great it's what's in the box that made me able to get up and make it down the stairs. In this box I keep ALL MY DRUGS. I love my drugs. It is because of my drugs that I am able to walk, talk, sit, stand and even hold a tooth brush. I kid you not. My only joints not effected by RA are my shoulders, hips(maybe).

So back to my box O drugs. I knew 20 minutes after taking about 6 or 7 different pills my pain would go away. So I did this and 20 minutes later my pain was not gone. Nope instead it was getting worse. I got Meaghan off to school and I went back to bed. This usually helps me but alas this was not to be my fate this day. I know a lot of people reading this are thinking "whatever how bad could it be?" " Suck it up princess" the best way I can describe it is by comparing it to being cut open with a hot dull knife. My glute, and hamstring on my right side were on fire. Every time I engaged the muscles the pain was intensified to point where Dave wanted to take me to the hospital. Anyone who knows Dave knows that he would rather stitch his own wound up with a needle and thread then go to the emergency room. I said no to the hospital, they were just gonna tell me it's my RA and to go see your doctor to adjust your meds. So this is what I was planning on doing.

Today I had a physio appointment, so I went to it with the hope that my therapist would be able to help alleviate at least some of the the pain. At first she was thinking like me it was just a bad flare up in a new joint. Upon further inspection she decided that it was NOT my RA in a new joint. YEA YEA YEA YIPPEEEEEE YIPPPPPPPEEEEEEE. This is great news. It means my meds are still working and my disease is NOT progressing. This is the best news I have heard in regards to my RA. The bad news...... what the fuck is going on with my leg?

DRUM ROLL PLEASE..................

I have Ischiogluteal Bursitis. What is that do you ask? It's Bursitis of the hip. It is a ridiculously painful condition. That is treated with rest and ice, pain killers and injectable steroids. All and all not too bad. The pain is stupid but at least it doesn't have any other side effects. It's not going to hurt my heart or lungs or anything I just have to deal with the pain. If at the end of the day nothing will get rid of the pain, then there is a quick little surgery to remove the bursa and poof no more pain.

So all in all I made it 30 years before I came down with another ailment in conjunction with my RA. That is not to bad (lol). It sucks. I want less pain not more. I want to be able to get out of bed without crying. I want my daughter NOT to see her mom cry from pain.

Oh well , it was only a matter of time. ~sigh~

Later Gaters

So.... what did you all do tonight? Wanna know what I did? I'm gonna tell you, cause this is my blog and I can say anything I want on my blog. I can say things like my dog is snoring, or I need to take a shower or even things like blopblogpl shondgen. Yep I have the power to say anything I want. ~snicker~

Anyway today was slow, Meaghan had school, I had physio. But tonight was anything but slow. First off let me start off by telling you all how proud I was tonight of Meaghan. She did the splits in dance class. They have been working on it for weeks. Meaghan has been practicing and practicing and tonight was the first time she was able to do them all the way down. At least with her right leg in front. Put the left leg in front and the little bum of hers is no where near the floor, But tonight there was triumph. She looked over at me with he legs split apart in such a way that makes most people cringe,wearing the biggest smile ever seen on a child's face.Then I noticed that I had a big smile and I was holding me breath to see if she could do it. I am proud of my little girl, She kept at something that most people will never be able to do, until she got it.

Now as for me I did something I never thought I would do. No I didn't go hunting for deer, or ice fishing. Nope, I went to an adult Jazz class. I have to admit I had no idea what I was getting myself and 2 girlfriends into. But it was FREAKING AWESOME!!!!!! I am so pumped. I did dance moves that I thought because of my RA and knee replacemnts and the condition my hip is in I would never be able to do. I learned things like a kick ball change, pas de bourree, there is a spin while traveling as well as others that I cannot name.

The class started with stretching ( I can touch my toes still), then an ab workout, followed by the learing of a few key steps. Then we were taught a routine that the teacher is trying to get us to do for the recital in the spring. (fat chance of that happening) I will gladly make a fool of myself in front of the other fools doing the same foolish things but I will not make a fool out of myself in front of my family and hundreds of strangers. It would take a lot of liquid courage to get me to do that. It was a great workout. I feel amazing for doing it. I am just as proud of myself as I was of Meaghan doing the splits.

In other news I am almost done the Christmas shopping. Yay me.My goal is to not step a foot in the mall in December. I'll let you know how that goal pans out. Jack even got to go Christmas shopping this year. She bought Meaghan a gift full of art supplies. Meaghan was very surprised to see a gift wrapped from Jack. I told her that the animals always get a day to go to the mall to buy gifts for their humans. She loved that idea.

Dave is working hard, The crack-berry never stops buzzing. Even Meaghan sighs when it goes off when we are doing a family thing. Oh well. He is a hard worker. And I am very proud of that part of him.

What else to say tonight? I don't think I have anything else to say tonight. I will leave you with this last thought. If you .. I got nothing. I am going to go watch some TV, and relax.

Later Gators

B

Hello All,

Well it is yet again a month later (maybe longer). So why the delay this time? I'm not sure really. I'm just gonna go with laziness. So how is everyone out there in blog world? Things are good her in my world. Meaghan is loving kindergarten and I must admit I am loving her going to kindergarten. I truly enjoy the alone time kindergarten brings to my life. Her first report card comes out on Wednesday. I'm pretty pumped to see it.

I am amazed at how fast she is learing french; And she is reading. I sit there like a zombie (who is not trying to eat her brains) with my mouth open in awe of how well she is doing. She recognizes the words and reads me stories of ducks getting stuck in muck, fat cats sitting on mats, rats wearing hats that they stole from bats. I fall even more in love with her every time she figures out a new word. I am amazed by her, and her little imp voice is the most wonderful music in the world.

It started to snow this week. Now I live in Winnipeg Manitoba Canada. So if you don't live here you may not be aware of just how much snow we are capable of getting, over a very short span of time. In a matter of 3 days there must be at least 15 cm of snow. On the first day of snowfall Meaghan decided it was time to bundle up and go out and play in the snow. So away we went on the chaotic journey of getting a 5 year old onto her Canadian outdoor weather gear.

We start with the sweater, which must be tucked into the pants of the child. This is to lesson the risk of snow getting down said child's back. Following the tucking in of the sweater we moved onto the ski-pants (or snow-pants depending on your preference of terms). Ski-pants in my opinion are the trickiest part of snow survival gear. I say this because not only do you have to get the strap length right, you have to finangle the foot through the very little elastic opening at the bottom of the legs. In getting the foot through the opening you must be careful NOT to leave the baby toe of the foot in the inside of the pant leg; while the rest of the foot is forcefully being pulled out. If you do happen to get the baby toe left in the pant leg you MUST go back for it. In snow gear war YOU MUST NEVER LEAVE A TOE BEHIND.

Now that you have both feet safely through the elastic holes and all their toes have made it through the battle, you must forge ahead to the last leg of ski-pant hell. The getting of the boots on and then the placement of ski-pant over the boots. Sounds easy? Well it isn't. Think about it, we had almost lost a man just trying to get the foot through. Now we have to get the pant leg up high enough to creat a big enough space to get the boots on and done up. However, when we pull the ski-pants up, the jean leg underneath also goes up. So we must fish out the jeans and pull the cuff of the jeans down. After the pant leg has been rescued from the brief kidnapping by the ski-pants, it must be folded around the child's leg to be small enough to fit into the winter boot. So now that we have the pant leg tucked into the winter boot we must proceed to tie the boot up as snugly as possible (without cutting of circulation to the toes we have already injured in the first battle with the ski-pant). Once the boot has been secured to the child's foot we must then embark on the last leg of ski-pant warfare; And believe me the last leg is the worst part yet.

Now that the boots are in place we must get the ski-pant down over the boot. Think about that. We fought to get the foot through the hole and now we are going to try to get the ski-pant over a WINTER BOOT. Are we nuts? Why don't snow suits stay the way they were when the kids wearing them were babies. You know the ones that have the boots built right into them. I miss the days of laying the kid down and simply putting the leg in the leg holes and zipping up the zipper and then presto you're done. But no such luck now a days. Nope, instead we have to hurt our fingers pulling a too tight elastic over too big a boot (due to the layers of insulation and faux fur trim). Once we finally get the elastic over the top of the boots we must avoid cutting our fingers on the hooks that are on the boots to tighten the laces. Then just when we think we have it, we realize that the pant legs are too short so we must get the child to lay down so that we can yank on the ski-pants in the hopes that a simple strong tug will do the job. Otherwise we have to go back to the top of the ski-pants and adjust the length of the straps.

All right the ski-pants and boots are in place. Now we move on to the jacket. This seems simple enough. This year however, the new jacket we have bought for Meaghan seems to have a mind of it's own. Instead of the zipper sliding up and down nice and smooth it gets caught EVERY TIME. Going up or down it snags the fabric around it. Every single time. I kid you not. Normally I would just say screw it and but a new jacket but it is a Gap jacket and is incredibly warm and thin thanks to the down inside of it. So for those reasons we will persevere and just deal with the constant snagging of the zipper. Once the zipper is done up and we have been fortunate enough to not have caught the kids neck skin or her hair in the zipper. If hair or skin is caught all the work you have done in the battle against boots and ski-pants will have been for naught. If skin or hair is caught in the zipper there will be no outside play at this time. We must then do up the buttons to cover the zipper with fabric so no snow gets into the zipper.

With buttons done up we are then told by the child that the jacket is strangling them(see, mind of it's own). We must then undue the top button and and take the zipper down a bit, so that the strangling will stop. Once the crisis has been averted we have to get the toque on, push hair out of line of sight and secure it under the chin to avoid it coming off while the kid is playing in the snow. After the toque we must get the hood up over the toque and the pompom on the top of the head. At that moment you can see the finish line. You are so close to the end of the snow gear battle that you can finally stop and breathe.

The last 2 things to apply to the already overheated kid is the scarf and mittens. Scarf application is fairly easy. Place over the chin, mouth cheeks and nose, leaving enough space under the eyes so that you don't run the risk of covering the eyes or poking the child in the eye. After the placement of the scarf there is only one thing left to do. The covering of the hands. Now there are only 2 options here. 1 of them is a good idea the other not so much. If you are one of those parents who have chosen gloves this winter for your child, I beg you, please for you sanity and the sake of your child throw them out. Run to the store right now and buy mittens. Gloves are the last thing you should try to put on your child. There is absolutely no chance of you making a quick getaway with the use of gloves. Too many fingers and finger holes. Too many chances for fingers to go in the wrong hole. If your kid is like mine, and a middle finger goes into the ring finger pocket in the glove, giggles will erupt, and the child will proceed to get even hotter. Your journey to the freedom of the outdoors will take even longer. So please hear my plea and buy MITTENS. Mittens are easy to get on with only 2 possible places for fingers and thumb to go. The only hitch to the mitten scenario is if you do not pull the sleeves of the jacket over the mittens. Snow will have a direct avenue to the kids skin and the time outside will be cut short.

Now that Meaghan is dressed and I have checked to make sure that she can move her arms and legs, she can see out of her eyes and her little ears are not in danger of getting frost bitten I can open the door to the winter wonderland beyond it. I watch as she steps outside, looks up and yells. I Sigh.....Of course, the one part of her body not covered by some form of cotton is immediately struck by the falling snow. Anyone had a snowflake in the eye? Meaghan has, and after the initial shock wore off it was apparently a fun thing to have happen. So she did it again and again. Then I hear her yell"Mamma can I ride my bike?" I say "sure" So off she goes to get her bike and then..........

She tries to ride it.

Ever tried to ride a bike in the snow? Ever tried to ride a bike in full on snow gear? NO? No, cause you're not a 5 year old. I laughed so hard at her. She hadn't rode her bike in 2 months but the first day it snows she decides is a good time for a bike ride. lol It was slow going cause she had to stand up on the bike to pedal, and even then progress was pretty small. So next she tries sitting and pedaling. She also gets her body into it. So every time she pedaled she would jerk her body forward in hope of gaining some momentum. Bike riding lasted about 6 minutes. You need to be able to pedal. The snow build up around the tires and the cumbersome riding attire were all hindrance with no help.

After biking was abandoned she moved on to the ever popular snow angel making. Followed by dog chasing, and ending with the throwing of snow and snow balls at the house. All in all I think it was a wonderful way to celebrate the beginning of winter. Let's face it here in Winnipeg winter has 2 seasons. First is the holiday season (yay), second is the freeze your face off in 60 seconds windchill season (boo). So I figure enjoy the first part cause the second part is going to make you wonder why on earth do we live here.

Later Gator's

B

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAH

So what do you think of that? It has been a month and a half since my first post. Not very promising is it. No it is not, says the little voice in my head. I am hoping that the little voice is my conscience and not another personality or just some other random form of crazy setting in. I worry about being crazy. Is it crazy to worry about being crazy? I know people say crazy people don't know they're crazy, but do crazy people wonder if they're crazy? Just a question. Thought I would put it out there.

Anyway, I digress from the crazy talk. So what has happened since my last bog? Well I quit smoking. YAY me , less chance of lung cancer. I also have not had a Pepsi in 4 weeks. I have had iced tea, water, tea, chocolate milk, regular milk and a couple cokes but no Pepsi. For me this is a big deal. I used to drink at least 4 cans a day. Usually a lot more, 4 was a slow day. What else...... Meaghan started Kindergarten.

Now I should tell you that Meaghan starting kindergarten is a big deal. Not because it is such a huge milestone for her but because I took her to her first day and I did not cry. I got a little choked up. I had that tingle in my nose and behind my eyes (you know the one you get when you start to cry and you fight it real hard). I however did not give in to temptation. Wanna know why? "No" (says the little voice). Well I'm gonna tell you anyway. I didn't cry for the following reasons

1. Meaghan didn't cry
2. Meaghan was super excited
3. Dave (husband) and Sarah(best friend) were there and would have laughed at me, and then made fun of me for days. And anyone who knows me knows I am not always very fond of being made fun of. Even when it is just for fun.
4. If you had seen the gong show behind us you would understand completely why I chocked back the tears. Picture it... first day of kindergarten young boy and mother must part ways for 3 hrs and neither one believes themselves capable of living without the other for that amount of time. So they cling to each other in the hopes that this is all a bad dream and the dreaded first day of school is really another year away.

Anyway, Meaghan and I made it through the first day very well. Her favorite part, you'll never guess, TAKING THE BUS. She loves to take the bus both to and from school.

SO this will bring and end to post number 2. Not much but a few tidbits of that last few weeks.
Enjoy

B

Wow. So this is day 1. A new life? I don't know. I want to believe that it will stick, that I will be able to sustain my momentum, but like a lot of things in life momentum can easily fade. I am hoping by starting this blog I will be more committed to the new me. I should clarify what I want to change:

1. loose weight. (85 lbs to be exact)
2.get my Rheumatoid Arthritis under control
3.be a bigger part of my daughters life. (be able to keep up with her0
4.Do more for my hubby

I have 2 big addictions - Chocolate and Pepsi. I want to kick these habits. I don't want to say I WILL NEVER HAVE ANOTHER piece of chocolate or another can of Pepsi, that is not remotely reasonable. I do want to however only have that every once in a while. as a treat, As a quiet moment, one that I will truly enjoy. I want to be healthy. I am happy. I love my life, family and house. I want to love my body.

I say I want to love my body because it is riddled with pain everyday. Everyday it is a fight to just get out of bed and face the day. My pain is not well controlled but I am so tired of it having such a big pull in my life. I hate that it controls me and my family. There is so much I want to do but can't because of my pain. In the last 2 years I had to have both my knees replaced because they were destroyed thanks to my arthritis. I am only 31. I know a lot of people will read this and want to tell me to suck it up but until you live with this disease you have no idea what it takes from you. not only has it taken about 20 years off my life expectancy (yes if my medication does not kill me the disease will) it has taken my ability to even get on the floor with my daughter.

This is it for today. I am tired of talking about it and my hands hurt from typing. So I am signing off.